How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
