My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
