member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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