I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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