We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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