Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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