either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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