apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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