Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
