Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Even my vagina gasped.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
