i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
