just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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