yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
