I like my sex mixed with concussions.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize