That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
