He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
