What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize