Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
