Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
