Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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