I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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