I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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