I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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