Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I did not marry a roomba.
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