honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
