he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
