I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
