Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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