watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
