How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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