I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
