I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
