Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
