good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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