Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think my moral compass just broke
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