I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
