So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
