party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize