wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
