If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
