You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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