Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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