I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize