Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
