I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
