It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
