the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
