Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
