He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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