Where are you?
In a non slutty way
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize