I wish I only lived at night.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
