5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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