i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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