Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
