Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
