I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
